Places are called. You move from the dressing room to the backstage area, taking one last swig of water and one last look in the mirror: hair's pinned, costume is straight, make up is unsmudged... OK. Let's do this.
You're in the wings and you can hear the murmurings of the audience just beyond. There might even be that little peep hole in the curtain that gives you an idea of just how full the house is.
Then there's a moment just before you go onstage, when you see the house lights dim and the blues come on and you ask yourself, "What the hell are you doing?!?"
... No? Just me?
I go through at least 30 seconds of pure panic whenever I get ready to go! Where I really don't want to put myself out there, risk not doing a good job, risk forgetting my line, risk baring my soul and people not responding... Just risking.
But what the hell can I do about it 30 seconds before the lights go down! Not a damn thing. So I'm forced to take the leap. And God, doesn't it always feels good.
The risk becomes a rush.
It's no secret - I'm a very shy individual. An introvert with a few extrovert tendencies (like acting!). For example (and watch this smooth segway unfold!) I had my first meeting at the Actors Club just a few days ago and as we're all stood in a circle, sharing ideas, I say nothing. Of course I have ideas! And comments to make! But do I make them? Of course not. And why? Fear of being judged, criticized, seen as simple. I know it doesn't seem like a risk, but to someone as shy as I am, it really is. As I'm stood there and an idea pops into my head, my heart starts to race and my cheeks begin to flush as I try to find the courage to open my mouth and join in...!
And then I chicken out.
To be honest, I even had that feeling as I got ready to go to the meeting. The first one, with no one there I knew. Uncharted territory. I had no idea what to expect. And the thought of "why are you doing this? You don't have to go..." seriously popped into my head. Ridiculous! My head knew that I should go, that I missed creative environments and I really would benefit from it... And yet my heart was hammering as I approached the meeting space.
The theme of the meeting was "Instincts & Impulses." It revolved around a fairly simple question: "Do you follow yours?"
Nope! I knew the answer immediately. And I knew the reason: fear.
In your every day life, isn't a little bit of restraint in order? If everyone followed their every instinct, chaos would surely ensue! There needs to be a certain kind of social order... but that sounds quite boring, doesn't it. So then where is the line between acceptable risk and the rules of society?
If we're talking about standing at a crosswalk with a group of people, waiting for the light to turn, and you suddenly getting the instinct to push the person next to you into the street knowing full well that there's a bus trundling down the street, I'd say that's a pretty bad impulse to follow.
If we're talking about finally getting the courage to give my number to London Stout Guy, I'd say that's a risk worth taking (Just do it!!!! He's been coming to the pub since last May just do it!!!!!!!!!)
And a theatre space? Surely there's all sorts of room for risk there...
We always talk about the magic of a theatre. As you cross the threshold, you feel like anything could happen. It's exhilarating as an audience member; maybe you catch your first glimpse of the set, you have a vague idea of the story that's about to unfold, and you've seen some of the actors in other performances so you know that their work is bold and exciting. Your mind begins to piece together just what you might experience. The journey you're about to take is felt in your heart. And part of that excitement has to come from trusting that risks will be taken. The actors will be ready and willing to leap and so deliver something that resonates.
When I imagine a rehearsal space, I like to think of a literal threshold, and when I cross it, I'm taken into a safe world that allows me to fail. That's the ideal I put out there, but I'm the first to admit that I don't always do that. Or at least, it takes me a very long time to feel comfortable enough to do that. Some people can just flip a switch! Presto. Instincts and impulses fly and beautiful work is found. But for me to shut off my ever analyzing brain is really difficult.
Movement exercises, for example: my mind is always asking itself what I look like. And idiot? An awkward and uncomfortable person? A beautiful and elegant dancer?
Well, what does it matter?
The first session of the Actors Club ended with a movement exercise I was somewhat familiar with from my East 15 days. Music was played and as a group, you move. That is to say you let the music wash over you and you move in anyway that you feel. Part of the feeling is created by the others; you feel their rhythms and movements and react to them. You could match their rhythm or feel the need to shake things up and create the opposite rhythm! There's no right or wrong, you just move... The first song was on the slower side, and the second was more upbeat. And sure enough, a dance party just evolved. Dancing, jumping, from disco to tango. It really was such fun...
I know it's fun! The moments when I can shut off and just act are always rewarding!
So here's my challenge: do it more.
Ha! Sounds simple, I know, but let me reiterate that I am a very shy person...
You know that old adage "Do one thing a day that scares you?" I'm really tempted to try that. The artistic director of the Actors Club challenged us that try to take more risks in our everyday lives, and to report back at the next session. We would see if it had any kind of effect on our daily lives. She herself was a runner, and recently, she was letting the music take over her a bit more. So when running down a crowded street and trying to weave around people, she might do that weaving with some sweet dance moves, moving to the music that only she could hear. Some people would swerve to avoid her, others would give a little smile, and just a couple would add a few dance steps of their own.
I love that!
I need to find that courage to do something like that. That's my personal challenge.
And it's going to start with small acts, like making sure that say at least one thing at every session of the Actors Club... baby steps. :)
You're in the wings and you can hear the murmurings of the audience just beyond. There might even be that little peep hole in the curtain that gives you an idea of just how full the house is.
Then there's a moment just before you go onstage, when you see the house lights dim and the blues come on and you ask yourself, "What the hell are you doing?!?"
... No? Just me?
I go through at least 30 seconds of pure panic whenever I get ready to go! Where I really don't want to put myself out there, risk not doing a good job, risk forgetting my line, risk baring my soul and people not responding... Just risking.
But what the hell can I do about it 30 seconds before the lights go down! Not a damn thing. So I'm forced to take the leap. And God, doesn't it always feels good.
The risk becomes a rush.
It's no secret - I'm a very shy individual. An introvert with a few extrovert tendencies (like acting!). For example (and watch this smooth segway unfold!) I had my first meeting at the Actors Club just a few days ago and as we're all stood in a circle, sharing ideas, I say nothing. Of course I have ideas! And comments to make! But do I make them? Of course not. And why? Fear of being judged, criticized, seen as simple. I know it doesn't seem like a risk, but to someone as shy as I am, it really is. As I'm stood there and an idea pops into my head, my heart starts to race and my cheeks begin to flush as I try to find the courage to open my mouth and join in...!
And then I chicken out.
To be honest, I even had that feeling as I got ready to go to the meeting. The first one, with no one there I knew. Uncharted territory. I had no idea what to expect. And the thought of "why are you doing this? You don't have to go..." seriously popped into my head. Ridiculous! My head knew that I should go, that I missed creative environments and I really would benefit from it... And yet my heart was hammering as I approached the meeting space.
The theme of the meeting was "Instincts & Impulses." It revolved around a fairly simple question: "Do you follow yours?"
Nope! I knew the answer immediately. And I knew the reason: fear.
In your every day life, isn't a little bit of restraint in order? If everyone followed their every instinct, chaos would surely ensue! There needs to be a certain kind of social order... but that sounds quite boring, doesn't it. So then where is the line between acceptable risk and the rules of society?
If we're talking about standing at a crosswalk with a group of people, waiting for the light to turn, and you suddenly getting the instinct to push the person next to you into the street knowing full well that there's a bus trundling down the street, I'd say that's a pretty bad impulse to follow.
If we're talking about finally getting the courage to give my number to London Stout Guy, I'd say that's a risk worth taking (Just do it!!!! He's been coming to the pub since last May just do it!!!!!!!!!)
And a theatre space? Surely there's all sorts of room for risk there...
We always talk about the magic of a theatre. As you cross the threshold, you feel like anything could happen. It's exhilarating as an audience member; maybe you catch your first glimpse of the set, you have a vague idea of the story that's about to unfold, and you've seen some of the actors in other performances so you know that their work is bold and exciting. Your mind begins to piece together just what you might experience. The journey you're about to take is felt in your heart. And part of that excitement has to come from trusting that risks will be taken. The actors will be ready and willing to leap and so deliver something that resonates.
When I imagine a rehearsal space, I like to think of a literal threshold, and when I cross it, I'm taken into a safe world that allows me to fail. That's the ideal I put out there, but I'm the first to admit that I don't always do that. Or at least, it takes me a very long time to feel comfortable enough to do that. Some people can just flip a switch! Presto. Instincts and impulses fly and beautiful work is found. But for me to shut off my ever analyzing brain is really difficult.
Movement exercises, for example: my mind is always asking itself what I look like. And idiot? An awkward and uncomfortable person? A beautiful and elegant dancer?
Well, what does it matter?
The first session of the Actors Club ended with a movement exercise I was somewhat familiar with from my East 15 days. Music was played and as a group, you move. That is to say you let the music wash over you and you move in anyway that you feel. Part of the feeling is created by the others; you feel their rhythms and movements and react to them. You could match their rhythm or feel the need to shake things up and create the opposite rhythm! There's no right or wrong, you just move... The first song was on the slower side, and the second was more upbeat. And sure enough, a dance party just evolved. Dancing, jumping, from disco to tango. It really was such fun...
I know it's fun! The moments when I can shut off and just act are always rewarding!
So here's my challenge: do it more.
Ha! Sounds simple, I know, but let me reiterate that I am a very shy person...
You know that old adage "Do one thing a day that scares you?" I'm really tempted to try that. The artistic director of the Actors Club challenged us that try to take more risks in our everyday lives, and to report back at the next session. We would see if it had any kind of effect on our daily lives. She herself was a runner, and recently, she was letting the music take over her a bit more. So when running down a crowded street and trying to weave around people, she might do that weaving with some sweet dance moves, moving to the music that only she could hear. Some people would swerve to avoid her, others would give a little smile, and just a couple would add a few dance steps of their own.
I love that!
I need to find that courage to do something like that. That's my personal challenge.
And it's going to start with small acts, like making sure that say at least one thing at every session of the Actors Club... baby steps. :)